Tong Hua in English

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Whenever someone evaluates something, the evaluator's expectations concerning the evaluated object influence the evaluation, in a way that tends to prove the evaluator's initial hypothesis.

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A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $50.00.

In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $50.00?"

There were giggles and hands were raised.

He said, "I am going to give this $50.00 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the $50.00 up.

He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well, what if I do this?" And he dropped in on the ground and started to crush it with his shoe.

He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learnt a very valuable lesson.

No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because of its value. Despite its appearance, it is still worth $50.00."

Just like the $50.00, there will be any times in our lives when we fall, get insulted and are crushed by others or by the circumstances that we go through.

During these times, we feel as though we are worthless.

But remember that no matter what happens, you are not worth any less because of it.

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WHAT WORKS

DONT' OVER-GENERALISE

RECALL the first time when you broke off with someone you were dating?

Did you remember yourself saying: "I will never fall in love again. All women are the same. Never trust anyone who is educated overseas."

This is a classic case of over-generalisation. You make broad and comprehensive conclusions about life, based on a single event or piece of evidence.

For instance, you receive a bad appraisal and you conclude that "all bosses are stupid and unfair".

Cue words that indicate a tendency to over-generalise are "never", "always", "all", "every", "none" and "everybody".

Over-generalisations are couched in absolute terms, giving you no feeling of control - such as "Nobody cares for me", "I always get it wrong", "I will never find a job".

To overcome this tendency, you need to be more flexible. Avoid using absolute words. Instead, use words like "may", "sometimes" and "often".

Also ask yourself: "Where is the evidence for my observation?" Be a good detective or scientist. Search for evidence for and against your observation.

It is highly unlikely that "no one will ever love you" or that "you will never get a job"!

- Dr Raymond Soh

Staff Psychologist, Human Resource and Staff Development

Temasek Polytechnic (senghock@.tp.edu.sg)

The Straits Times : Friday, May 14, 1999

WHEN YOU GET LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE

HOW many times have we caught ourselves saying: "If only I had a PhD; if only I had the perfect job; if only my boss had promoted me, etc."

When we go through such self-talk, we feel dissatisfied and frustrated. Somehow, we have convinced ourselves that we are incomplete and that there is something out there that can bring us total fulfilment.

So, we go chasing that something. And, when we get it, we find there is another set of "if only".

Pessimists operate from a "lack of" model of themselves - they convince themselves that others, not them, have it all made, and that, if only they have what others have, then, they will be as happy.

This is a guaranteed formula for depression and anxiety. Believe in yourself. That's what optimists do.

Optimists believe that they are good enough and that they have the resources to find solutions. They operate from an "enhancement" (build on) model.

They are successful because they operate from their strengths. You, too, need to believe that "you don't have to have it all in order to enjoy life or be extremely successful".

Life is as good as it gets. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade! Don't miss out on the fun in your job. Ultimately, you are the only person who can make yourself happy in your career.

- Dr Raymond Soh

Staff Psychologist, Human Resource and Staff Development

Temasek Polytechnic (senghock@.tp.edu.sg)

The Straits Times : Wednesday, May 26, 1999

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

Gold is not the most precious;
happiness is worth much more.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

Even the Yellow River may become clear someday;
how can a man's lot never improve?

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

Do what is right, don't haggle over minor benefits.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

An emperor thinks of a good general when
his country is in danger. A man misses his
virtuous wife when he is in poverty.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

Officials have their codes of conduct;
and the common people, their personal obligations.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

When an official is honest, his clerks stay thin;
when the bodhisattva in a temple is benevolent,
the priests there grow fat.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

Use the past as a mirror when studying the present;
there can be no present without the past.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

Age is the world's one impartial law;
even the noblest are not spared.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs !

A tree with deep roots does not fear the swaying
of the wind; one with a straight trunk does not
mind if its shadow is cast aslant by the moon.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

When father and sons live in harmony, the family
will not decline; when brothers live in peace with
each other, the family will not be broken up.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

The rich man thinks of the future,
the poor man cares only about the present.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs !

Husband and wife who live happily together
are like musical instruments playing in harmony.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

Wealth begins with saving bit by bit;
poverty comes from misspending.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

Be slow to speak your mind;
always speak with caution and restraint.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs!

A man cannot be judged by his appearance,
nor the sea measured by a peck.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs !

Children can take care of themselves when they grow up;
parents need not overextend themselves for their sake.

Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen

Father: Don't feed him any more.

Father: My boy, come with dad to chop firewood.

Son: Yes, father.

Mother: He is too young to do this.

Father: Children can take care of themselves when they grow up;
parents need not overextend themselves for their sake.

Wisdom from Chinese Proverbs *

但 将 冷 眼 看 螃 蟹
看 你 横 行 到 几 时

Keep a clear eye on the crab (wicked person)
and see how long it can run amuck.

当 时 若 不 登 高 望
谁 信 东 流 海 洋 深

If you do not climb high to get a distant view,
how can you appreciate the magnificence of
the rivers flowing eastward into the sea?

从 俭 入 奢 易
从 奢 入 俭 难

It is easy for the frugal to become extravagant,
but hard for the lavish to be thrifty.

触 来 莫 与 竞
事 过 心 头 凉

When someone offends you, don't argue with him;
let the thing blow over, and all will be peaceful again.

道 路 各 别
养 家 一 般

There are different roads in life,
but the way to feed a family is generally the same.

道 吾 好 者 是 吾 贼
道 吾 恶 者 是 吾 师

The man who flatters me steals from me;
the man who tells me my faults is my teacher.

得 宠 思 辱
安 居 虏 危

When in high favour, think of your days of disgrace;
in times of peace, be mindful of possible dangers.

点 石 化 为 金
人 心 犹 未 足

Even if stones could be turned into gold by touching,
some men would still be discontented.

读 书 须 用 意
一 字 值 千 金

Study with full concentration; one
word may be worth a thousand pieces of gold.

不 因 渔 夫 引
怎 得 见 波 涛

If there were no fisherman to guide us,
how could we ever see the great waves of the ocean?

Father: You want to learn to play? First, you must learn how to place your counters.

Father: You've have bee learning for two months. Let's have a game.

Father: You've won? A genius, a real genius!

Son: The honour belongs to you. Our ancients used to say: If there were no fishermen to guide us, how could we ever see the great waves of the ocean?

长 江 后 浪 推 前 浪
世 上 新 人 赶 旧 人

As in the Yangtze River the waves behind
propel those in front, so in the human world
each new generation does better that the old.

Pupil: Could you please accept me as your pupil?

Teacher: Yes, certainly.

Pupil: What does this mean?

Teacher: It means...

Teacher: As in the Yangtze River the waves behind propel those in front, so in the human world each new generation does better the old.

常 将 有 日 思 无 日
莫 把 无 时 当 有 时

Be prepared for hard times when your days are good;
do not wait till times are hard and sigh for the good days.

Father: That's no good! Every grain of rice in your bowl is the fruit of toil and sweat.

Son: I've only spilt a little rice on the table. Why make such a fuss about it?

Father: Must we wait until there's nothing to eat to learn how precious each grain is?

不 求 金 玉 重 重 贵
但 愿 儿 孙 个 个 贤

Crave not for money and valuables;
pray only that all your posterity will be morally upright.

Grandson: Granny, I've passed the provincial exams and I'm leaving tomorrow to take up my post at Yanzhou.

Granny: Good! Granny is so happy.

Grandson: Granny, here is a small present for you.

Granny: Granny doesn't care for money or valuables, I only wants my children and grandchildren to be virtuous.

差 之 毫 厘
失 之 千 里

A miss is as good as a mile.

Grandfather: My boy, you must think carefully before you do anything.

Grandson: Why?

Grandfather: Haven't you heard the saying, "A miss is as good as a mile"? A single slip may cause you eternal sorrow.











Adapted by Chen Wangheng & Li Xiaoxiang
Translated by Gong Lizeng & Yang Aiwen