WHAT WORKS

DONT' OVER-GENERALISE

RECALL the first time when you broke off with someone you were dating?

Did you remember yourself saying: "I will never fall in love again. All women are the same. Never trust anyone who is educated overseas."

This is a classic case of over-generalisation. You make broad and comprehensive conclusions about life, based on a single event or piece of evidence.

For instance, you receive a bad appraisal and you conclude that "all bosses are stupid and unfair".

Cue words that indicate a tendency to over-generalise are "never", "always", "all", "every", "none" and "everybody".

Over-generalisations are couched in absolute terms, giving you no feeling of control - such as "Nobody cares for me", "I always get it wrong", "I will never find a job".

To overcome this tendency, you need to be more flexible. Avoid using absolute words. Instead, use words like "may", "sometimes" and "often".

Also ask yourself: "Where is the evidence for my observation?" Be a good detective or scientist. Search for evidence for and against your observation.

It is highly unlikely that "no one will ever love you" or that "you will never get a job"!

- Dr Raymond Soh

Staff Psychologist, Human Resource and Staff Development

Temasek Polytechnic (senghock@.tp.edu.sg)

The Straits Times : Friday, May 14, 1999

WHEN YOU GET LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE

HOW many times have we caught ourselves saying: "If only I had a PhD; if only I had the perfect job; if only my boss had promoted me, etc."

When we go through such self-talk, we feel dissatisfied and frustrated. Somehow, we have convinced ourselves that we are incomplete and that there is something out there that can bring us total fulfilment.

So, we go chasing that something. And, when we get it, we find there is another set of "if only".

Pessimists operate from a "lack of" model of themselves - they convince themselves that others, not them, have it all made, and that, if only they have what others have, then, they will be as happy.

This is a guaranteed formula for depression and anxiety. Believe in yourself. That's what optimists do.

Optimists believe that they are good enough and that they have the resources to find solutions. They operate from an "enhancement" (build on) model.

They are successful because they operate from their strengths. You, too, need to believe that "you don't have to have it all in order to enjoy life or be extremely successful".

Life is as good as it gets. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade! Don't miss out on the fun in your job. Ultimately, you are the only person who can make yourself happy in your career.

- Dr Raymond Soh

Staff Psychologist, Human Resource and Staff Development

Temasek Polytechnic (senghock@.tp.edu.sg)

The Straits Times : Wednesday, May 26, 1999